Little Red Hiding Hood

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was The Big Bad Wolf and he walked around in the forest saying “ROAR.” And there was Little Red Hiding Hood. And there was Grandpa. And Grandpa caught the wolf and put him on a tree on the roof with a rope on his neck. But the wolf took the rope off and threw the rope in the forest. And that's the end of the story. And then he ran into the forest and ran around in the forest saying “ROAR.”



“Meshoo, we're going to a party. Are you coming too?”
“Yes! I'm coming too!”
“It's Dizzy's birthday party. Isn't it exciting!”
...
“She heard me tell you on the phone and asked, ‘Is that my Meshoo?’”
“♪We're going to a party, we're going to a party!♪”
“♪We're going to a party, we're going to a party!♪”
“♪We're going to a party, we're going to a party!♪”
“Elizabeth, you're gonna get a shmackin'!”
“♪No, We're going to a party, we're going to a party!♪”
“Will there be mudcake?”
“♪No, We're going to a party, we're going to a party!♪”



“Would you like a drink, Elizabeth?”
“No.”
“Are you sure? They're in tiny little bottles!”
“No.”
“Would you like a drink Meshu?”
“Yes please.”
“I'm thirsty!”
“Would you like a drink, Elizabeth?”
“Yes please.”
...
“Mathieu, stop drinking so many bottles of red soft drink. It's making her hyperactive.”



“No playing on the stairs, Elizabeth. Yes, that's right Mathieu, I'm talking to you.”
...
“Meshoo, give me a piggy back ride.”
“OK, up on my shoulders.”
“Now let's go up the stairs.”
“No, it's too dangerous. I'll have to let you down first. You know you shouldn't go up the stairs without holding on to the railing.”
“But you will hold on to the railing.”
“I have to hold onto you.”
“No, I'll hold onto your ears.”



“No, I want to play puppy dog. I'll throw the soccer ball, and you fetch it with your mouth. But first I have to tie you up. Help me put this around your neck.”
“Elizabeth, remember, we don't really put leashes around people's necks.”
“No, Elizabeth's a good girl - she's put it around my waist.”
...
“Yay! I've escaped! I don't know what to do with the freedom!”
“Oh there you are Meshoo! Come along now.”



“I will throw the ball up really high over the sky!”
“Really!”
“No, I will throw the ball up really high into the sky. And then it will come right back down.”
“Do you think that if I throw the ball up really high it will come right back down too?”
“Yes.”
...
“Grandma, come and play soccer with us.”
“No Elizabeth, I can't chase you with the ball, I want to kick the ball.”
“Grandma doesn't want to play.”
“Yes, Grandma wants to play, but she wants you to kick the ball.”
“Alright, I'll kick the ball.”
“Um, Grandma, I'm sorry you just sat down...”
“Oh! You're going to kick the ball! I'll be right there!”
...
“OK, now, ready, catch the ball. You have to keep your eye on the ball... Good catch! Now throw it to Meshu.”
“Meshoo didn't have his eye on the ball.”
“No he didn't, did he? Now don't throw too high.”
“Why not?”
“Because you'll hit the moon. Then the moon will fall on us.”
“No. No it won't.”
...
“You can't catch it if you keep falling over.”
“But Grandma hurt me. It hurt.”
“Oh, it did not!”
“Yes, it did! It touched my cheek.”
“Oh! Oh wow!”
“W... What?”
“There's a big hole in your face! Isn't there, Grandma! Oh wait. It's just your mouth.”



“Here Meshoo, I'm lying down. Now you bounce the ball on my back.”
“No, it will hurt you.”
“No it won't.”
“Look, I'll show you. I'll lie down and you bounce it on my back.”
“OK.”
(the screams were too bloodcurdling to express) “My arm! Where's my arm!”
...
“Arg! I tried to trick her. I knew the arm-in-the-sleeve wouldn't work, but I'm wearing two labcoats, and I only took my arm out of the outside sleeve so she still wouldn't find my arm inside the inside one. But straight away she just pulled them both apart and found it behind my back!”



“Don't expect that you're going to blow the candles out, Dizzy.”



“Meshoo!”
“Yes, Elizabeth?”
“There's going to be a party!”
“That's right! This is the party!”
“Oh. :( ... :) And there will be cake!”
“Yes! Cake!”
“Grandma didn't get the cake! It was Dizzy! Dizzy got the cake. Grandma didn't get out of the car, Dizzy got out of the car. And Grandma was in the car, and I was in the car. And Grandma was in the car, and Dizzy got the cake, and Grandma was in the car, and... and... and I was in the car.”
...
“Is there anyone who doesn't want any cake.”
“Yes, me!”
“Wouldn't you like any cake, Elizabeth?”
“No. I don't want any cake.” said The Baby, taking a piece of buttered bread.



“She's very particular about what belongs to whom.”
...
“It's like I always say.” said Grandma. “What's hers is hers, and what's mine is hers too. Isn't that so, Elizabeth?”
“Yes.”



“Everytime she sees a rainbow she says, ‘It's God's promise that it won't flood.’ And whenever she's sick in bed, she says, ‘Oh Tara, why do I have to suffer. Oh Tara, pray over me, Tara. I know that if you pray over me, that God will take away my sickness.’ And she's always asking questions about God. And she's always thinking. The other day she came up to me and said, ‘But Tara, where does God keep all the babies before he puts them in Mummy's tummy?’”
“Wow! How old is she again?”
“Still three.”
“I was just checking.”
“Yes, she preaches too. Just the other day she set up a soap box and started preaching to the animals. She said, ‘And Jesus said... And Jesus said... And Jesus said, ‘“I am Lord.”’’”
“I just dread the day when she starts baptizing the cats!” said Grandma. “You never know what they're going to start baptizing next!”